Well i have had a great weekend. Have just driven to Byron Bay ...one of the most glorious places in Australia..and saw some fab music ... a little bit hard rock which was jumping laughing fun...
So quite a few drinks enjoyed (yes yes trying to find balance between this 2 year pregnancy bullshit no kid thing) and sometimes that includes getting a bit crazy. so 2 of my best girlfriends there L ..who was so there when shit hit fan and R who has been darling friend in certain parts of my life, loads of laughs and champers and - (we had great successful business together) anyway she kinda shown herself to be just my good time girlfriend and not the solid soul sister that i thought she was. I hate even writing that..but its the truth.
Anyway as the night evolved out of a dozen people out to see this very famous fun band... everyone starts doing different stuff... a couple going to and fro from one bar to new bar, one two other friends getting a little sideways, some maybe need to go early even after my understanding that this is Ange time...us with our guys having super laughs, great tunes and giggles... (hey you can screw him whenever...what about me) Anyway people were lost bla bla...but STILL i so had fun at the gig with my rocker A. So to cut long story...I sent texts saying where did everyone go, why didnt you text or call..no matter how much beer taken in..we not in our "home town" so connect and make sure all back at hotels or whatever and everyone ok..and the word that featured in these texts was DISAPPOINTED. And i rambled further about this to A and then yet again this morn in our hazy drive home to Bris. And then I had the Dr Phil moment that..I am not disappointed about who left one bar to make out at another or bla bla bla its about my baby.
WHAT I WANT TO SAY..is i am disappointed that you DON'T GET IT. I want you to get it and i want to be acknowledged. I want his name said and i just want you to miss him even a bit and to ask about me...yes i dance and laugh even look like old Ange.. am almost pre preg size 8 (think that a 6 or 4 or some such nonsense in USA)..and am otherwise busy with lots of projects to distract me...but do you remember my BABY DIED.
What I am disappointed about is the fact i have to remind you in a passive aggressive way such as (hmmm still could lose 5 kilos its that baby weight hanging around) or (yeah was going to do this or that or fuckin whatever but Noah died and that changed)...like REMEMBER.
so hey its not about a night out its a lot of stuff. like who did not come to me after Noah and yet sent lovely messages but cancelled 3 visits due to work/stuff/slight hangover/sick/busy. Friend R... that I love.
So do i have to let you go a little.. Maybe i do..You just my fun girl..that wishes she could deal with big grown up stuff...but until Dead Baby is the name of cocktail we are just sometimes, when times are good friends. and that sucks! and its one more person i need to miss!!!!!!!!!!!!
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4 comments:
I know what you mean Ange. I have a couple of friends who have disappeared in the last few months. I assume then can't handle this and the new sad not so fun anymore me. And it's one more thing for us to be sad about. Of course, it does not compare to losing our babies, but it does hurt because it feels like being kicked when we are already on the ground.
I'm sorry that she doesn't get it, Ange. I tend to pull away to save my friends from proving to me the kinda friends they'll be. I figure I can at least save the friendship if I don't answer the phone or talk to them for year or two. Or can I?
Do you think you would ever say something to her (asked by a person who never says boo about anything to anyone)? I hate it when people just ignore the reality, try to pretend it doesn't exist...when we know in are hearts that this loss is real and significant and life-changing.
Im so sorry your friend doesnt 'get it'. So many dont. When something terrible like this happens you learn so fast who you can really count on and the sad thing is, more often than not, you end up with less friends.
Huge hugs to you
xxx
I'm sorry Ange. I recently had a similar experience. A person who I thought we were very close to did not come to our memorial service for Caden. Her excuse was flimsy. I know she just didnt want to be there. We saw her recently, a month later, and she never once mentioned Caden. She pretended nothing ever happened. I wanted to scream.
I'm sorry we all have to deal with losing friends on top of losing our babies. Its so not fair.
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