and I want MY BABY...I MISSSS MY BABY!!!!! Not coping this very minute. Everyone that is commenting about how it gets worse before it gets better..i agree with. I was better off at 3 months then I have been in the last few weeks. Its just the reality has sunk in! This is real and this sucks. I don't want this to be my life, my story. I want to rewind and be naive and excited and hopeful and joyful. I don't want to go through the goddam motions in my new job or pretending to be excited and interested in almost every bloody social thing we do. I am just angry and sad and terrified and frustrated. But i just wanted to take this opportunity to say thanks to all you girls out there..the ones I love to read and who just "get me". You have made a truely shocking experience almost bearable.
....I love you Noah. Darling, how I wish more than anything I could hold you and kiss you and tell you how adored you are. What a brave little guy you are - my beautiful, perfect little man. love Mama xx