Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Still hanging in there

Just a quick update that the new bean is a bit over 9 wks and heart pumping away at 176. Feeling a bit more positive and even getting a tiny bit excited if I allow myself. Lets face it I am invested in this little peanut..how can we not be..and if anything f%#*s up I will be curled up in a miserable ball.
Come on baby..you can do it!!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Remembering Noah

Have been thinking more and more about getting some mementos for Noah and to finally get a photo or 2 in frames or something. I realise as time is passing by that he is not brought up as much by friends or family and as I always want his name said and his little self thought about I had best make sure they get reminded. Especially if this bean does actually grow...I must ensure that a 'new pregnancy' does not overshadow that my second child, my only son is not here.
So I have been considering some jewellery or even a tattoo. I saw another dead baby mum had a footprint on her foot and I really liked the concept of it and although I have not got any other tatts I do like the idea of getting his actual little foot print copied onto mine.

Its discreet and private if I want it to be, however as its summer 9 months of the year here, it would be also out there for the world to see. I like that i could look down and be reminded of him and that it also says he is walking with me and that his Mama is carrying him. What do you think of that idea girls and what other things have you done? Part of the reason I don't have photos around is because he had been dead for a few days by the time he arrived and they are not that 'family friendly' Funny isn't it how as a proud mum you still kinda want to show them to people and go "Look at my cute little guy, don't worry about that skin peeling off and the dark purple bits, isn't he just a darlin" while the poor unexpected viewer picks themselves off the floor. Oh dear!!

So any ideas would be great...

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

So Far So Good...

Thanks for the kind wishes and sorry I did not reply after the scan. But to be honest I was so stunned and pissed off for C that it was the last thing on my mind.
Well the news as of Friday was - one live bean - 6 wk 3 days and heartbeat of 120 - all looking fine. Had been a tiny (doctors words) bleed away from bub but they showed no concern re that.
So I sit and wait and wait and wait and plot and plan for another scan in couple of weeks to see if things are progressing still.
Feel rather numb re the whole thing - just trying not to invest. Taking one day at a time.

Friday, July 4, 2008

My baby boy

How I miss you darling boy. Can it really be 8 months since I saw your pretty little face. I look at bigger babies now, babies that sit up and maybe crawl and are getting some teeth. And I wonder what you would be like. I think of how things could have been and I am sorry that I did not know you were sick in my tummy darling. The effect your little life has had on your daddy and me and your big sister is so profound. We talk about you, we cry about you, we smile and remember the smallest little things and feel such love in our hearts - and its all for you Noah.

Today Mummy is frightened and also hopeful, she is going to have a scan to see if she has another baby just starting to grow. I must be brave just as you were.

I love you.