Friday, February 29, 2008

Tasty Treats

Mmmm well thank you for the welcome distraction..Amy I will have to put some thought into some yummy honeys and get back to you.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Asian Escape

We just got back from 3 weeks in Vietnam and wow I so love Asia. I love the chaos, the noise, wonderful people, the delicious food, the gentle Buddhist vibe and just being away... I feel very at home in Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia or Indonesia and suspect i may well have been Asian in a previous life. HA. Despite my fair kinda freckly skin...I am convinced that my love of a chilli/soy sauce - fried rice breakfast makes me a local. Even back in Oz i sometimes love to make an Asian breaki. YUM. My sister is the exact same, which is kinda interesting for 2 chicks born in rural Australia. We decided in the hospital (before Noah was even born...long process it took 3 days) that we would go on a trip. Australia offers a baby bonus (about $4500) for all new parents and yes dead baby mums do qualify. And we spent it!
So we were away for 2 important dates...Noah's due date and my birthday...
And for us...this trip worked...I had fun, I laughed, I shagged, I ate heaps and drank a bit..did i mention the sexy stuff..heeee.
A really healing aspect of the trip was the fabulous attitude of the Vietnamese..they have endured so much war and loss and yet they must be one of the most resilient (and forgiving) peoples. Made me consider how stillbirth would be viewed and dealt with there. Generally they have a close extended family so I guess most women would have that support but for many the "luxury" of grieving is probably limited. Many people are very poor and you have to work hard to survive and so you would probably have to 'just get on with it' Makes me appreciate the resources available to me and the time i can afford to deal with this shit.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

His name is Noah

I just love it Noah...Noah, Noah, Noah. I just want to say it all the time and for other people to say it. When we were looking for a name for our son, knowing he was dead and waiting for him to be born. We went back over our reasonably long list and so many were not suitable. "It has to be soft and gentle sounding" I said and the meaning "has to be appropriate" Something meaning fierce warrior would not be right for this little guy. So we would say names out loud and then look them up in not 1 but 2 different baby name books - as the name meanings can sometimes vary...rather strangely sometimes. So Noah it was discovered means peaceful and restful and wow it blew us away...that was it. How more appropriate could you get for a little baby that would be born without a sound. Just they say. But not sleeping - dead.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Another reluctant club member

I am writing for a few different reasons... To get out my hurt and anger and rollercoaster of emotions. To remember my baby N and to introduce him to all of you wonderful women. He was so gorgeous and perfect and so wanted...

I have been a voyeur for weeks now and feel like I know so many of you and your beautiful babies already. So thanks for giving me so much comfort and support, its amazing how comforting it has been to hear your stories and to just GET many emotions and comments that are shared just resonate so strongly. So thanks.

Perhaps I can alert others to the virus that infected me and ultimately took N's life and maybe it can prevent this happening to someone else. Writing and sharing may also help keep me sane while I endeavour to make another baby, a beautiful healthy baby that i can take home and love with all my heart. Its not too much to it!