Wednesday, November 11, 2009

And just like that...

I find myself facing the possibility of a new little baby in our home. I will be 10 weeks on Friday and in keeping with my scan addiction I had a sneak peek a few days ago and one rather vibrant little cashew with great heart beat of 171 was visible.
I suppose the most exciting part for me after surving pregnancy after surviving that I feel almost a bit normal..almost a bit like the old me...that this might just work, that i may just enjoy the process and not wring my hands in worry and angst MOST of the time and I may just get a baby. The confidence of having recently DONE this lingering. And it feels good.

But for now we wait and see and hope that this little soul sticks.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Happy birthday my beautiful boy

Darling Noah,

How I think of you so often and WISH with all my heart you were tearing through the house right now. I wonder what you would like to eat, what toys you would prefer. Would you be a rough and tumble little boy into cars and dirt and making lots of noise or would you be a little more introspective and like to look at books and play quietly? Would you be a climber, a bolter, a chatterbox, a cuddly monkey? No doubt a mix of all of the above.

We will have a special cake for you this evening and light a couple of candles and send our love through the night sky to you. I looked at all your photos last night, remembering every little detail. How I wish I could have spent longer with you or I wish that I could even have those hours again. What a ridiculous and tragic idea that a mother should have to capture a lifetime of memories, your smell, your skin every little detail of you - in such a short time. It's impossible!!

So on this your second birthday - two long and sad years without you. I love you baby boy my first born son. Mama x