Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Hospital again...

Here I sit after my third bleed...man am I weary of this place. Its noisy and shiny and everyone else seems to have their babies with them. If things settle again they will let me go home again hopefully by the weekend.

But for now I am in THIS PLACE. Its also the same hospital - the same ward I have had the worst and best birth related experiences in the last 3 years Sigh..

Its hard to be so close to the room that I said goodbye to my baby boy. I have found myself creeping around at night looking for black butterflies on the doors of rooms (the SIGN that a stillbirth has occurred) and on only one other visit have I come across it. My husband immediately rushed out to get flowers and we carefully wrote a card - trying to express our sorrow for there most shocking loss.

Looking to the future but also looking to the past - thats what being back in this place is like.

If all goes well this time in 2 weeks I will again be back in this ward BUT this time I hope to have my very only precious bundle of healthy baby goodness.


k@lakly said...

Keeping healthy, safe arival thoughts for you and the little one, Ange.

ezra'smommy said...

I know these feelings so well. Waiting and hoping deeply with you. xoxo