Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Not a happy lady

OK went to the doctor yesterday the senior ob Lee did not see me but one of her small team another ob woman who I have not met before. She seemed a little bit casual at first but once I insist on going over things, getting out my list of questions, talking about Noah, sounding anxious and frantic she definitely gave me plenty of time and consideration. Shame you sometimes have to push it to get the attention but as long as you get there in the end.
So my placenta is currently a grade III previa (half covering cervix) - and in her words not looking like it will move. However they won't officially talk caesarean until 34 weeks (early Jan)
From now on I see an ob every 2 weeks (pretty standard for 3rd trimester) plus they will do a scan again at 31 weeks and again 34 weeks.
She said gentle exercise is fine - just no squats with weights kinda stuff .. which I would not be doing anyway PLUS I have decided that husband and I can have a "play" but no penetration sex.
Of course I must watch out for a bleed and even if a tinge to go straight in and if I have pain or anything of course the same. If placenta does not move - chance of bleed after 34 weeks is about 50%. Some of the other random things that she mentioned was they may start giving me steroids next visit and that "the obs like anything over 2kg" (about 4lbs 4oz) - anything being my baby.
I must say during the first 10 mins of this appointment I was almost narcy..just sounding a bit sarcastic and basically angry. So after all of this info and lots of questions from me..I had to add so one more thing cos of course it can't get any more COMPLEX. BUT if I have a caesarean I know that I have an anterior placenta - what do you do then?? She said well they just cut through it and get bub - no risk to bub - but YOU have a much bigger chance of a big bleed like 1-1.5litres so they have to deal with that promptly or worst case hysterectomy time AAAHAHAH

So let me summarise and excuse the angry whinging BUT.

Placenta Previa - that will probably remain so
Increased Risk of bleeds and all the hazards to bub and me that brings
Caesearean
Reasonable chance of Post Partum Haemorrage (especially as had one with Noah)
Slim chance of Hysterectomy
Good chance of Premmie baby

AND GREAT CHANCE OF MENTAL HOSPITAL FOR MUMMY.

I just don't know how I am going to do this!!! I can't believe I entered this pregnancy not so much high risk as "special care" due to emotional trauma and the frightening realisation that baby's die from many different causes...and NOW i am looking very much like high risk for actual medical reasons to add to the emotional scars. So woke about a dozen times during night to wipe and check and check and felt the most anxious I have in ages, tried to cry to get some relief and it was pathetic and half hearted. So just tried to breathe slowly and close my mouth to not 'overbreathe' and stared around the room. Horrible.

I am just terrified that I AM THE ONE, the horror story that we are all so afraid of. That my story will fuck up and I just don't think I, my marriage, my life would survive losing this much loved child. If i could just cut a deal but BE GUARANTEED the living baby at the end. Can I please just get to 33-34 weeks and I promise I can handle the caesaeran (piece of cake) some wringing of hands around a slightly premmie baby, expressing madly and having to wait to bring them home (no fun at all but at least they alive) hell I'll haemorrage and have a blood trans. (Been there done that)..JUST PLEASE GET ME MY BABY.

12 comments:

Hope's Mama said...

I'm keeping you and your bub in my thoughts! Sending you bucket loads of positive vibes from Melbourne!

Ya Chun said...

That is a heap of worry. Just take it easy and try to breathe. Keep an eye out and continue to be persistent with the medical folks! I hope that placenta behaves itself and bub's lungs mature right quick. (((Hugs)))

CLC said...

I would not be a happy lady either. Seriously, what happened to your get out of jail free pass? WTF? I was ultra-stressed out just reading this, I can't imagine the state you are in. Hang in there Ange, and be as vigilant as you have to be. And go right in the moment you have a doubt. I hope that all this worry will turn out to be a waste of our time in the end and that you get your healthy baby!

Anonymous said...

Until you typed it I had completely forgotten about the steroid shots, to help mature the lungs. It was 2 shots I believe, intramuscular but no biggie. Everything sounds good so far, good luck and I will keep you and baby in my thoughts,

Nilia

Monique said...

I feel helpless so all I can do is send tons of positive thoughts & vibes your way...

Azaera said...

If your baby comes premature I'm here to talk to, mine was born at 31 weeks and 5 days and he's doing pretty good. The NICU is a bit stressful but the nurses there are wonderful and your baby will be taken care of. As for the hemorraghing and the C-sec I'd be terrified too.

Cara said...

Wow - the road couldn't smooth just a bit, huh?

Seriouly, I'd be worried too - we all would (and are) but we also have faith that you will have this baby: to hold, to feed, to stay up all night with!!!

((hugs))

c. said...

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you...

XO.

k@lakly said...

All I can think of to say is that they are watching you and that by itself makes a HUGE difference for both you and baby. It's when they aren't expecting a complication that things tend to go very wrong. I can't imagine how this added stress is feeling. I know just the 'regular' db stress is mind blowing...
I'm thinking of you and the babe and hoping like hell that all the worry is for naught and you both are just perfect when this is all over.
xxoo

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