High Maintenance

Yes its official I am a high maintenance pregnant woman. I have officially got placenta previa again and have spent a week out of the last 3 in hospital with two different bleeds. I am 33 wks today and we are just trying to get me to 37 and will have a C section. Its stressful and frustrating and I don't understand why I can't catch a break with this delivery thing. But on a positive note baby girl moves well and often and that helps to keep her mother sane. I just hope my body can settle down and just hold her in for another month without any more middle of the night freakouts.

Ange x

Baby girl update

Have been feeling great - almost like a normal pregnancy and time is just passing by. Went for a check on her and placenta scan a few days ago and it is still low and covered - just not as fully covered as the half way scan. So it is migrating but I am not expecting it to move enough that I can avoid the C section and the potential dramas that come with placenta previa.

So am taking a fairly cautious approach and have advertised for an au pair to move in and for free room and meals they help out for a few hours a day. Its perfect for young travellers and Australia gets plenty of them - so have a German girl and a Swedish girl that are keen to meet with me. I just want to do anything to keep me out of hospital or to prevent bleeding etc and just get to 36-37 weeks again.

So for now I just wait and watch this tummy grow and enjoy family and friends. Its probably normal for all of you but after nearly 2 1/2 years I still think about my darling Noah many times a day - does that ever end. I miss my gorgeous 2 year old boy.

Thrilled and pissed all at the same time

Have had the follow up scan and a very healthy good sized GIRL to be seen. All looks wonderful with her and she was squirming around and is nearly a week bigger than her due date. So we were a bit shocked as I was expecting 3 boys in a row and of course very happy.
When they got down to the placenta it is not only low it looks to be completely covering the cervix with some on the posterior wall and most on the anterior. Only 19 weeks and I know things can move but UGGGHHH. So am not even going to go there for now. Will have another scan around 25-26 and will then assess it. Not feeling confident and was worrying lots for about 24hours but feeling a bit calmer now.
Its not the c section that concerns me - its the much higher risk beforehand. Being put on rest and no lifting (how do you do that with a 12month old) and risk of big bleeds and stays in hospital etc are very real and possible scenarios with placenta previa. Oh well for now she is growing well and all is ok. How silly that I might have thought this would be a walk in the park...

An update

I have never been much of a blogger although I have enjoyed reading, crying and laughing along with so many others. It has been such a lifeline and a place to rest my lonely sad head at times. Just felt so normal to hang with DBMum's in those first months. So essential.
As is often the case and written about here - after 2 years and the intensity receded - I feel less of a need to read and write and comment although being pregnant again it is comforting and nice to share that with so many of you lovely gals. However I must say the more recent rush of pregnancies from women that I so closely walked with 2 years ago has made me a little bit more addicted all over again. Its lovely to see Tash and C and Ya Chun and G and others all with growing bellies and I wait with much anticipation to hear about the arrivals of these much awaited little ones.

As for me I have hit 18 weeks and have the very rare faint nudges from within and I look forward to them gaining more oomph over the coming weeks. Have the halfway scan and a detailed OB appt over the next couple of weeks and will discuss how this baby might arrive. I would prefer a VBAC but will wait and see. First I must avoid any high drama like last time with partial placenta previa. That was not much fun!!

So will let you know more when I do and in the meantime all the best for 2010 to you all. We deserve only good things. x

14w and 3d

Just a quick update to say things are progressing nicely so far. Had a good scan at 12wks and low risk for Downs and other trisomys etc. Its quite amazing after going through such a struggle there to be pregnant again and the time to be just ticking along without constant mental anguish. It's nice..real nice. Gorgeous Morgan has just started crawling and within a week is now pulling himself up to stand hanging onto the couch.. So fingers crossed he can walk before I get too massive.

Mid January we will have the next scan and yes we will be finding out the sex .. as Anthony said a couple of nights ago. "I need to know.. I need to know everything"!! "Does the baby have all its limbs, are the organs there and functioning, where is the placenta, does it look normal, what is the fluid level like, is the cord normal and performing well, is the baby all tangled up, is the heart beating and yes, what sex is it" I guess that's the new normal for people like us.

Thanks for your well wishes its much appreciated.

And just like that...

I find myself facing the possibility of a new little baby in our home. I will be 10 weeks on Friday and in keeping with my scan addiction I had a sneak peek a few days ago and one rather vibrant little cashew with great heart beat of 171 was visible.
I suppose the most exciting part for me after surving pregnancy after surviving loss..is that I feel almost a bit normal..almost a bit like the old me...that this might just work, that i may just enjoy the process and not wring my hands in worry and angst MOST of the time and I may just get a baby. The confidence of having recently DONE this ..is lingering. And it feels good.

But for now we wait and see and hope that this little soul sticks.

Happy birthday my beautiful boy

Darling Noah,

How I think of you so often and WISH with all my heart you were tearing through the house right now. I wonder what you would like to eat, what toys you would prefer. Would you be a rough and tumble little boy into cars and dirt and making lots of noise or would you be a little more introspective and like to look at books and play quietly? Would you be a climber, a bolter, a chatterbox, a cuddly monkey? No doubt a mix of all of the above.

We will have a special cake for you this evening and light a couple of candles and send our love through the night sky to you. I looked at all your photos last night, remembering every little detail. How I wish I could have spent longer with you or I wish that I could even have those hours again. What a ridiculous and tragic idea that a mother should have to capture a lifetime of memories, your smell, your skin every little detail of you - in such a short time. It's impossible!!

So on this your second birthday - two long and sad years without you. I love you baby boy my first born son. Mama x