40 weeks today - pregnant that is

Yes I had a oops pregnancy and am 40 weeks today and waiting to see if I can manage a VBAC after 2 c sections and 2 regular...

Crazy times but hoping to see my new little bubba any day now!!

Time flys when you miss someone

Another year missing, wondering, wishing.
Happy 3rd birthday my beautiful boy.
No words just tears
Love Mummy

Making her debut - Sylvie

Gorgeous little girl is here - arriving 25 May at 9.17am a thriving 3.36kg or 7lb 6oz and with a shrill cry as she entered this world.

We are amazed at how lucky we are to have this new baby girl with us.

7 sleeps or is that wakes

Have been home again for a few days and am now in the final days of this pregnancy...very very likely the last pregnancy I ever have. Am still feeling really good and have put on minimal weight and no aches and pains to speak of for a heavily pregnant chick of 39 to complain about. Hard to believe I am looking down the tunnel again at the end in sight. Will we get there - I have to believe we will. Much less anxiety than with Morgan but it will NEVER fade that at any time the crash could come.
For all the pain in the ass drama of having placenta previa - part of me is grateful that decisions are made for me and a C section at 37wks is the best option and I don't have to deal with the freak out of going into labour and wondering could I go past 40 or 39 or??? then to completly contradict that I do feel a bit peeved that I can't just push this little one out as I would imagine on Vag birth number 3 I would be getting pretty good at it. But oh well. Its the live baby that I care about....
So off to sleep for this little mama.

Hospital again...

Here I sit after my third bleed...man am I weary of this place. Its noisy and shiny and everyone else seems to have their babies with them. If things settle again they will let me go home again hopefully by the weekend.

But for now I am in THIS PLACE. Its also the same hospital - the same ward I have had the worst and best birth related experiences in the last 3 years Sigh..

Its hard to be so close to the room that I said goodbye to my baby boy. I have found myself creeping around at night looking for black butterflies on the doors of rooms (the SIGN that a stillbirth has occurred) and on only one other visit have I come across it. My husband immediately rushed out to get flowers and we carefully wrote a card - trying to express our sorrow for there most shocking loss.

Looking to the future but also looking to the past - thats what being back in this place is like.

If all goes well this time in 2 weeks I will again be back in this ward BUT this time I hope to have my very only precious bundle of healthy baby goodness.

I have a date

I will have a C section May 25th - this is just over 3 weeks away and I am feeling stronger and more confident as I have been out of hospital for over 10 days again. I have passed 34wks and baby would be close to 6lb and we are certainly in the zone for getting a real take home baby. I had a little internal flip out this morning when we had no movement as I lay in bed for about 10mins but then I get the little nudges I need and the planets realign again. Sigh.

High Maintenance

Yes its official I am a high maintenance pregnant woman. I have officially got placenta previa again and have spent a week out of the last 3 in hospital with two different bleeds. I am 33 wks today and we are just trying to get me to 37 and will have a C section. Its stressful and frustrating and I don't understand why I can't catch a break with this delivery thing. But on a positive note baby girl moves well and often and that helps to keep her mother sane. I just hope my body can settle down and just hold her in for another month without any more middle of the night freakouts.

Ange x